Finally all better from this freaken flu!! Yippy The Virgin is back and still no action going on. Haven’t had anything popped yet LOL, although there is this bagger at my local supermarket I wouldn’t mind popping it for me. I think the kid is only 18..hey who knows he might be the “Other Virgin” and we can be virgins together. I’m gonna need to start hanging out at the bagging section and maybe strut my stuff. My next blog will be called “Bagged By The Bagger”, I can see that in lights.

Anyways back to this…well it’s the 15^th and you know what that means? Yes kids it’s the F*@K Of The Month!!

Drum roll please………….and the lucky suitor is JASON!

I’m very attracted to the mystery of it all. What exactly is behind that mask? And why in the hell does he walk super slow and his victims run super fast but yet he always catches up to them..mmmm? He totally beat out David Beckham. This is for you JASON muah!!

As I’m recovering from this nasty flu, I’m trying to catch up on movies I haven’t got around to seeing. I had to rent Clerks 2 because the first Clerks kicked ass.

I’m still trying to recover from the whole Bowling Ball thing, now this comes along. The Virgin already googled it and I’m sure you will do the same, with caution please. I need to go back to bed all this ATM stuff is jus too much. (yes they even have a nick name for it A.T.M and it’s not where you get money)

It’s herpes season…try saying that 5 times fast. It can be a trip. I’ve been out of commission people. Seems that The Virgin has the flu, and it so happens that I have the same symptoms as somebody with a herpes infection. This might sound a little weird, but it would be kinda cool to say I did have herpes and not the flu, kind of like a badge of honor. For sure nobody would suspect that I’m a virgin, but one can only dream. I know…I’m must be a really sick fuck to wanna think that. The Virgin and several doses of NyQuil just don’t mix (as you can probably tell!)

Always a good conversation starter

And a good f*&@ing morning to you, I’m not feeling it today. I hate Mondays…The Virgin tends to wake up “Grumpy Gus” on Mondays. I bet a lot of you are thinking I’m probably just suffering from sexual frustration. I probably am, who knows. Yeah that’s what it is Sexual Frustration Syndrome. I’m gonna call into work today and say “I’m not going to be able to come in today, looks like I have the case of the S.F.S (Sexual Frustration Syndrome).” Can you imagine what the prescription for that would be..3 dildos in the morning and one at night (for the record I suggest not putting 3 dildos in you at once, I’m sure that would be dildo suicide)

Had a doctor’s appointment today, jus a routine check up. Gotta make sure the engine is running ok. I think I got felt up…hmmmmmm??? It was a new doctor so he had to ask a bunch questions before he did a full physical. I had to tell him that I was a virgin (“The Virgin”) cause he needed to know my past sexual history. I don’t think he believed me at first cause he asked me like 5 times but they were more like trick questions 1) So do you think you need a pregnancy test? 2) When you have sex does it burn? ….You know trying to pry the right answer out of me. I was this close to dropping my pants and showing him the lock and key. I guess after he got the point he looked a lil shocked like he’s never heard it before. He continues to do his thing and finally comes to the breast exam. He starts circulating my boob like no tomorrow and it doesn’t freakin help that I was laughing cause I had the “I wanna sex you up” song from my last blog on my mind. Let me jus say it kinda seemed he did a few extra breast exams when I only have two boobs. This blog is for my doctor, thx for the Cheap Thrills…*wink*

Now that I think about it why would it burn if I were having sex…OUCH..that doesn’t sound fun.

I was thinking maybe this might be a good “get in the mood” song…you know when i decide to finally do the deed.  Too naughty huh? 

(How bout that dance they do at the end of the video…makes me wanna be badd..kinda digging curly hair dude)

Happy New Year!! Especially to my fellow virgins under 40. If you’re over 40, seek help..might be a medical issue. Shout out to B-Bird, my new Canadian virgin reader. “Together we stand!”

My usual broken New Years resolution…lose my virginity to the one and only David Hasselhoff (he’s a hunka hunka burnin love!). Sorry that was my resolution from 10 years ago. I need to update it…I got it…lose my virginity to Mr. McDreamy himself: Ralph Macchio. What a catch huh? I would’ve said Doogie Howser but turns out he’s out of the closet.

Favorite link of ‘06: hornymanatee.com. Why do manatees get all the play??

I’m still trying to figure out the bowling ball…guess it takes two people to do that trick.

Had to blog about this one!! Believe it or not I’m at a friends party, laptop in hand and got 5 beers in me the 6th one beside me (details details; it’s a Corona) I just finished having a lil chit chat with some buddies of mine, and one of my buds brings up what is called “The Bowling Ball”. He’s going on and on, on how he was on a date and he does the bowling ball on her. My other buddies are digging this shit almost taking notes. This whole time I’m thinking they were literally talking about Bowling you know the sport (or is it a sport?) anyways I’m standing chugging my beers and I say “yeah the last time I bowled my score wasn’t so high maybe we should all go out and bowl someday.” They all smile and look at me like a piece of meat. So finally one says not that bowling the other bowling you know “2 in the pink, 1 in the stink.” Who makes up this shit! I’m confused and need to google it. Ran to the rest room whipped out my laptop and jus had to look it up. This Virgin needs to know and she needs to know fast. It turns out it actually has a definition people!! Here it goes straight from urbandictionary.com:

1. bowling ball
An act of sexual stimulation involving insertion of two fingers in the vagina and the thumb into the anus.

And of course they put it in a sentence..you know in case if your in a
spelling bee and it’s the last winning word
He performed a bowling ball on her while she went down on him.

This is too much, for some reason I find myself stressed. Back to my beers.

Came across this article and I will highly take this in consideration!  (”Saving yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoe-down or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral advantage; but physiologically it does zip.)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16282622/wid/11915773?GT1=8816

 

Why do we think about the most random things when were dropping off some kids at the pool (that’s taking a dump in street slang.) So I was going over my virgin past and found not so good stuff, yes there was a lil illegal activity in my past. Some “pick me up days”. But I must say I’m pretty proud cause at least I can say there was no prostitution going on. I’m sure my daddy would be proud. Heck I’m every fathers dream, let me tell you gals you’ll win major brownie points if your father knows your still a virgin at 28…my gosh that’s sad.

Ok so back to my bathroom thoughts. I’m thinking if I were to die tomorrow and I had to answer to you know, him up there. I figure I’m pretty much in. So he would ask; “It looks like you were being a little bad, I think you might have to spend some time with Lucifer” and I would say “yeah but if you read the fine print it says that I’m THE VIRGIN” and of course I would say it like I’m the only virgin left cause most likely I am. And he would say “bless you my child move to the right”. I figure I can go rob some banks, party like the Studio 54 days maybe a lil trip to Amsterdam here and there. Because it looks like I have the golden ticket baby!!!

By the way I read somewhere that if you sit on a toilet seat for too long you can get hemorrhoids or something so I advise you to keep your thinking and reading in there short.